


How the volleyballs fall like cherry blossoms

by Kageyamallama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Death, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hinata - Freeform, KageHina - Freeform, Kageyama - Freeform, KageyamaxHinata, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3805435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kageyamallama/pseuds/Kageyamallama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I were to tell you what he was like, before the accident, I mean. I would tell you about the way he shined when he was next to me, I'd tell you about his obsession with Volleyball and the way his eyes sparkled. I'd tell you about the way he smiled and the way his hair sat. I'd tell you how his dorky clothes looked weird on him and I'd tell you how many times he beat me at video games. I'd tell you about his family and how badly he did at school. But I can't, because I too, have also forgotten him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

xXx  
It was a Thursday night, when it happened. The familiar sound of volleyballs slapping the palm of Hinata's hand and the scent of sweat had settled into my shirt. Practice was almost over and I was looking forward to going home.  
"KAGEYAMA!!" A bright but tired voice called my name, I look behind me and I see Hinata. Hinata's a dumbass, but he's also my best friend.  
"What do you want, idiot?" I reply looking down at the shorter male.  
"I'm not and idiot, idiot! SEND ME A TOSS! SEND ME A TOSS!!!!!" Hinata jumps up and down and he doesn't stop until I comply with his wishes.  
I sent him toss, after toss, after toss. He jumps higher, faster and hits stronger each time we practice. I know I'm pushing him to his limit, his breathing has become uneven and he is completely drenched in sweat. I stop him for a break. The same sound vibrates off the walls of the gym from the rest of the team as we find a wall to lean up against. Hinata is babbling about something but I'm not listening, my mind is preoccupied thinking of ways we can become a stronger pair.  
"TEAM MEETING" Our captain, Daichi-senpai calls, cutting off my train of thought and the whole team gathers at the center of the gym.  
—  
The meeting only went for a short while, and straight after our captains and coach are finished breaching us on who is playing this Saturday we all get straight back into practicing. But Instead of hearing the thump of a volleyball, I hear something heavy hit the ground, and already dread had sunk into my stomach.  
"KAGEYAMA!" Someones screamed, not registering who called I turn and run to where the team was gathered. My fears were confirmed when I saw Hinata laying on the floor. He was practically convulsing and he was clutching his chest. People were yelling at each other and someone called an ambulance, but I herd nothing. A heavy silence was all I could describe it as. I kneel down to Hinata and he looks at me. His apologetic eyes are leaking tears, his face is twisted in pain. With his free hand he clutches mine and we intertwine our fingers. Those were Hinata's last moments, and that was the first time I cried.  
XxX


	2. How I pushed you to fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> I worked really hard on this chapter!! Let me know what you think in the comments!!  
> XxX

Kageyama bolted upright in a cold sweat. The remnants of his nightmare faded into his reality as he realizes who is missing from his life. The thought of getting out of his warm bed and moving nauseates Kageyama, so he pulls the blankets of his bed around his figure, and checks his phone underneath the warm prison. The brightly lit screen displays missed texts that he wish he could forget. Messages from his school mates, his extended family and the volleyball, giving their condolences. Kageyama herd footsteps coming up the stairs and wrapped the blankets around him more firmly.  
"Tobio, I think its time you got up. At least eat something, you don't have to go to school...Just, please, get up." Kageyama's mothers delicate voice floats from the door. Kageyama groans but caves in and makes and effort to stand. His phone with the already forgotten messages falls onto the floor as Kageyama follows his mother to the downstairs kitchen. A simple breakfast is laid out where Kageyama usually sits at the kitchen table. Kageyama makes no effort to eat but goes to the fridge and drinks milk from the carton.  
"Please, honey. Eat just a little, you've been cooped up in your room for the past week. Your fading away." Kageyama's mother worriedly fusses over his well being.. Looking at her watch, she gathers her bags and makes her way to the door. She hesitates and calls to Kageyama over her shoulder.  
"I have to go to work, but I'm only a phone call away. If you need anything don't hesitate to call me." Kageyama's mother reluctantly walked out and with one last glance to where Kageyama stood, she shut the door behind her.  
After tipping all of his uneaten and untouched breakfast down the sink and scraping the rest in the bin, he walked back up to his room. Picking up the phone that 'ping-d' with every incoming text. Even more concerned text's from his classmates and from the volleyball team lit up the screen. He failed to reply and turned of his phone, placing it beside the photo of Hinata. A sudden sadness filled Kageyama as he looked at Hinata's brightly shining smile. He turned abruptly, not wanting to be reminded of the tragedy that happened that night. Kageyama walked to the bathroom that joined to his own room and ran a bath, hoping that it would soothe his weary soul and relax his tired muscles.  
—Time skip— ((A/N: I usually don't do time skips, but I feel like this part is going too slow!!))  
The house was silent and Kageyama was wrapped in his usual blanket cocoon, the depressing aura coming from Kageyama was repelling as he sank further into despair. The only person who accepted him for who he was and treated him like a normal human being, had slipped through his fingers. He's gone. Kageyama remembered how Hinata's face looked through the attack, the pained expression and his sweaty hand grasping Kageyama's. Kageyama remembered the ambulance being too late. Suddenly instead of setting volleyballs, he was helping plan his best friends funeral.  
A lonely sound of a doorbell sounds all throughout the silent house, cutting Kageyama out of his thoughts. The doorbell rings again and Kageyama forces himself to answer it.  
The door opened to reveal Hinata's parents and younger sibling.  
"Hello, Kageyama-San." Akito said in a sad and tired voice.  
"Goodmorning, Natsu-chan, Mr and Mrs Hinata." Kageyama automatically replied, "Would you like to come in, we have coffee?"  
"Oh, no dear. We were wondering if you would accompany in cleaning out Shouyou's room. It might make it easier on Shouyou's spirit if you are there too." Mitchiko ((A/N: I don't know the names of Hinata's parentals. So I just made them up :) ) looked at Kageyama with hopeful eyes. But its such a private act, sending off your child to heaven. Cleaning out all belongings and sorting through stuff that has most likely not been touched by anyone but Hinata. Deciding what could stay and what could be thrown away.  
Could he really intrude on that?  
"When are you...." Kageyama trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.  
"We were hoping to have it done....now.."  
Kageyama looked at Natsu. Her childlike features looked almost dead from countless nights of crying and her lack of proper care for herself. Kageyama made a decision, he would be there for her and Hinata's parents.  
Kageyama didn't feel the full weight of the burden he made himself carry, until he was standing at the door... Looking at the broken family. He had done this, this was his fault.  
"I want to help" Kageyama said after a long pause. Hinata's parents let out the breaths they had been holding. Kageyama had decided that he would be apart of anything that could take the weight of Hinata's death from their shoulders. Anything for Hinata. Anything for his family. The whole accident was his fault after all.  
"Are you available now? We are going to drop off Natsu at a friends house... We would like to get this done as soon as possible" Akito chimed in.  
Kageyama nodded, holding back his tears he willed himself to run up the stairs to grab is phone and wallet. He then followed the rest of the family to their car.  
XxX  
The car trip back to Hinata's house was awkward and tense. Kageyama kept blaming himself for what had happened to Hinata.... What he had done to this family. Hinata's parents didn't have much to say and Kageyama kept silent. Staring outside the window and remembering all the times he would walk with Hinata home. As if Mitchiko could sense Kageyama's discomfort, she attempted some kind of conversation to ease him.  
"So...Kageyama. How are you going?"  
"Uh, I'm f-fine" Kageyama stuttered over his words, obviously stunned at the innocent question that meant so much more.  
"You were there in his last moments, weren't you?" Kageyama's dad asked.  
"Uhhh, yeah I was. I was there with him until the end"  
"I believe our son wouldn't want anyone else with him in his last moments. You could never get him to shut up about you. At first, all he wanted to do was kill you, or die trying. But now I believe that he wanted to grow old and die with you, you two had a dream, right? To become the best in the volleyball world? I think Hinata would want you to pursue your dreams, either with or without him." Mitchiko said very seriously to Kageyama.  
"Errr, Hinata and I were going to be the best, but I don't think I'll ever achieve this goal without him" Kageyama half halfheartedly said, mostly to himself as they arrived and the all too familiar house that Hinata and Kageyama used to pull all-nighters frantically studying. Trying to learn an entire terms worth of work in a couple of hours. The car stopped and Kageyama let himself out of the car. Akito was already at the door, unlocking it and Mitchiko pulled him aiside for a brief moment.  
"If its not too much to ask" She whispered, "Would it be alright, if later....When your feeling better....If you would tell me what he was like in his last moments??"  
Kageyama could do nothing but nod, tears threatening to fall.  
Kageyama stood behind Mitchiko and Akito as the front door was unlocked and he was invited inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XxX  
> That was the end of Chapter one!! I hope you liked it and you can tell me if you did either in the comments or on my Tumblr ((Link in my bio!!)) I'm having a lot of fun writing this story... Things are about to get reallllly interesting!! :)  
> Until next time,  
> Winter Summers <3


	3. How falling saddens the soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,   
> So I originally planned to update this story yesterday but it was my birthday ((Wooooooo I'M 16!)) and I was a little bit busy 0////////////0   
> Have fun with chapter 2. I'm sorry once again <3   
> XxX

The interior of the house was overly clean, not a thing out of place. A strong scent of flowers slapped Kageyama in the face. A scent of condolences and sadness. Kageyama wordlessly followed Hinata's parents up the stairs and stopped as he reached the top. The second door on the left. Kageyama remembers all the times he would race with Hinata's, who could reach his room first. Who could beat who on the PlayStation that was left plugged in to the TV opposite his bed. That always had their favourite game inserted and waiting for them. He forced the intruding thoughts down and looked up to see the faces waiting for him, waiting for him to open the door.   
Hinata's room was exactly the same. The same smell of sweat and volleyballs, the same clothes strewn across the floor, the same desk with the same boring maths homework Hinata's had put off for weeks. It was the same painful, bitter memory that Kageyama would rather forget.   
Out of habit Kageyama looked to the door, expecting Hinata to be leaning up against the door frame. A stupid smirk across his face. But the reality of an empty space was all Kageyama could see. It was pointless to think that he would ever come back; Hinata couldn't be fixed by tosses and volleyballs. Kageyama felt the full weight of his uselessness and sunk back around, to face the damage he had done.   
"It still smells like him" Kageyama barely whispered, tears somehow made their way down his face, spilling against his cheeks. For the first time since the accident, Kageyama cried out and whispered Hinata's name. For the first time since Hinata had left, Kageyama said his name. The floodgates opened and he dropped to his knees. Hinata's parents ran to his side and embraced him.   
"It's alright" "It's okay" "Shhh" Was all could Kageyama could hear over his own sobs. Kageyama willed himself to stand up and brush his tears away.   
"Let's get this done" Mitchiko softly whispered as she looked at Kageyama with pitiful eyes. And they got started.   
They stripped the bed and packed all of the clothes that were on the floor in a pile near the doorway. The PlayStation and T.V became unplugged and the games that went with it were placed into boxes, along with a few other gaming accessories. Kageyama sat at Hinata's desk and started to chip away at the layers of neglected homework. He piled up the papers and forgotten textbooks and put them in Hinata's schoolbag. Kageyama grabbed an empty box and started to place some of Hinata's sentimental things inside, his volleyballs, the photos of Natsu and his family, photos of himself. Until the desk was completely clean and empty.   
Kageyama noticed that he was alone. Kageyama knew that they wanted him to do it for them. And Kageyama preferred to do it alone. He sat in the middle of the room and soaked up the atmosphere. Laying down, facing the ceiling he closed his eyes and reflected on all of the memories he had made with Hinata and planned how he should tackle this unbearable task.   
Next, Kageyama moved to the bed, there had to be something under or even between the western styled bed.  
Under the bed was completely clean, only a few cobwebs and nothing between. Kageyama had to hand it to Hinata, he was pretty cleanly. Kageyama moved to the enormous cupboard, that he was expecting to hold 15 years years of mess. The cupboard was next to Hinata's dresser, which Kageyama remembered stubbing his toe on, on multiple occasions.   
The cupboard was, as predicted, filled to the brim with mess. Kageyama sighed as he sat and started to sort through it all. Kageyama made two piles. The 'Bin-It' pile and the "Keep it pile". He was about halfway through when Hinata's parents walked back into the room.   
"Wow, you've made progress" Akito commented, looking around the room and scanning each pile and box.   
"Ah, Kageyama....We were just on our way out to run some errands that absolutely must be done today... Will you be okay here? By yourself??" Mitchiko Added.   
"Yeah, I know my way around...Soo..." Kageyama responded, not looking up from the floor that he was staring intently at.   
"Good, there is fresh milk in the fridge and some snacks in the cupboard, help yourself." Mitchiko faked a smile as they both turned and walked out.   
Kageyama was alone with his thoughts, and the mess, once again. Once he was done with the cupboard he grabbed another box and chucked the 'Bin it" pile inside... Just in case Mitchiko or Akito wanted to keep something.   
Kageyama turned and decided to take a break. He walked down to the kitchen and opened the fridge where the promised milk was supposed to be and poured himself a glass. Kageyama looked around the kitchen in despair. Hinata was everywhere, not physically, but he was still here. His scent, his face, even his voice were all still fresh in his mind. Despite it being over 2 weeks since he had last seen him.   
Sipping his milk, Kageyama reminiscences about the short time he had spent with Hinata and with his family. Kageyama reaches for his phone that he had left on the kitchen counter and turns it on. Hoping for a distraction from the thoughts that Kageyama seemed to spend dwelling on each day. The home screen lit up with multiple missed calls from his mother. Cringing as he remembered that he didn't tell her where he was going. He unlocked his phone and dialed 'Sakura Kageyama' ((A/N: Another made up name!))   
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME KAGEYAMA" Kageyama jumped as the phone as his call was answered and he herd the scream of his mother.   
"DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED IVE BEEN??!!!! HERE I WAS TRYING TO CHECK IN WITH YOU!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD FINALLY SNAPPED! I thought....." Sakura had trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence. Kageyama knew what she had implicated and felt guilty.   
"I'm sorry mum. I'm at Hinata's" Kageyama replied.  
"Why, what are you doing there??" Sakura worriedly asks, calmer than before.  
"I'm helping, with his room"   
"Oh, Tobio..."   
"I might be home late. It depends, but I'll call you when I'm done. I'm fine and I'm safe. I'll call you later; I've got to finish..."   
"I love you, Tobio."  
"I love you too"   
Kageyama hung up before anything else could be said. There was nothing more to say. He sighed a sad sigh as he cleaned his glass out and turned back to finish his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XxX  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, my tumblr is always open for ask's and suggestions. I Thank you so so sooooo much for reading! Please point out any mistakes and I'll be glad to change them!   
> Love, Winter Summers <3


	4. How part of you is with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!  
> I'm so sorry I took a while to update! This chapter is a little short but there is a reason why I cut it off when I did. Also there is some exiting news at the end uvu ((If you can really call it exiting! Well, its exiting for me!))  
> Enjoy!! <3

Kageyama insisted on walking home when he had finished. Hinata's parents had returned home a couple of hours ago and they would not let him leave until they gave him something to show their thanks. A black box was entrusted to him. The contents of the box had not yet been known to Kageyama but the only instructions they gave to him was,  
"Do not open this until you get home"  
And with a parting goodbye he started to walk, not having a destination he let his feet guide him as he processed what he had just done. Clearing out his best friends room. Sorting through junk and sentimental items. Old clothes that Hinata used to wear, his scent still lingering in the air. The laptops and multiple entertainment items that Hinata had probably begged for. All...gone.  
Kageyama snapped out of his thoughts when he realized where he was. And a flashback to a better time followed. 

"KAGEYAMA!" Hinata shouted "TOSS! TOSS!!!!"  
A smirk playing on Kageyama's lips as he looked up to see Hinata already waiting as he tossed up to him. Perfectly, efficiently and quickly the ball flew over the net. A point that won them the game. The perfect team.  
"WE DID IT KAGEYAMA!!" Hinata bellowed as he jumped onto Kageyama latching onto his back. The team was yelling and all Kageyama did was stand and take in all that they had accomplished. 

The old gym stood proudly, almost beckoning Kageyama to walk inside. To toss, to feel the joy when he heard the ball hit Hinata's palm. But he couldn't. He couldn't disgrace Hinata by finding a new partner. Kageyama silently turned away from the gym. From his team and most importantly to volleyball.  
....

Kageyama was greeted with a cold and silent home when he walked inside. It was almost 6:00pm and his mother came home at 8:30pm. He walked up the stairs and chucked the box onto his bed, he closed his bedroom door and sat on the bed. Staring at the package. It was a decent size and it gave no indication to what it held inside. Kageyama couldn't wait any longer, he pulled at the tape that sealed the opening and gradually it ripped off. Kageyama understood the instructions. His eyes started to water and helplessly his tears ran down his face. Inside the box were memories of Hinata. His laptop, cellphone, pictures of himself and Hinata, frames and photo albums of Hinata, charms that Hinata had gotten from Kageyama for his birthday and his iPod with Hinata's favorite headphones still plugged in . An over sized sweater that Hinata would wear to bed (That would just fit Kageyama). Kageyama cried heavily as he looked through his phone and finally got to hear Hinata's voice again, even if it was just a recording. The laptop was not what Kageyama had expected. Once he opened it a bunch of word documents appeared and Kageyama couldn't help but look through each of the files. He flipped through the photo albums and placed the frames next to the ones he already had. 

A leather bound book sat untouched at the bottom of the box. A label was carelessly taped on the front. Hinata's handwriting spilled over the page "THINGS I SHOULD HAVE SAID, BUT DIDN'T"

Kageyama carefully picked up the black leather book, that was worn from use. And after a deep breath he opened to the first page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this chapter is so short!!! And I'm sorry for not updating sooner!!!! <3 Its been really crazy over my end here. So much assessment is due at once and I procrastinated so I have a lot of work to catch up on!! Thank you so much for reading and it would mean the absolute world to me if you could leave some feedback! I have also made a cosplay instagram and if you are interested it would be amazing if you'd check it out and maybe give me a follow!! My name is Ackersexual ((Its only got 6 posts on it and I have the makeup skills of a potato...and I kind of look like a goat but still...)) . <3
> 
> Until next time,  
> Winter Summers xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

Kageyama woke up in a cold sweat. The only thing illuminating the dark, gloomy room was his alarm clock, proudly displaying the time. 1:57AM. Kageyama rolled over to face the wall, attempting to shake off his dream of Hinata, his bright smile and his loving gaze. Heartbreak hit him once again as he cried his eyes out. Attempting but failing. Kageyama's mind kept drawing back to what he read in Hinata's journal. How could he be so blind? How could he not have known? 

xXx

'Entry five, 

I talked to Kageyama today. Its the first time we have ever had a conversation about something other than volleyball. Something meaningful and I really enjoyed it. We talked about school and our future. I wish I had told him then. I wish it had played out like a scene from a movie or a book. Him standing there, the sakura petals dancing in the wind. We'd both lean in for the first time and then our lips would meet and It would be perfect because it would be with Kageyama. But that's not how it happened. We just said a simple "goodbye" and turned our separate ways. Like usual. ' 

\---

'Entry nineteen, 

Kageyama is pretty annoying most of the time. He says stupid things and I swear he's like a vampire....But he substitutes blood for milk. But the other times, ahh. The other times he's all I see. I can't see past a world where we exist together. On the world stage, tossing to me. He's my Favorited, milk-drinking, stupidly smart idiot. He remembers everything, and I'm grateful. Once he remembered me saying that I get cold easily so the next day in his bag I saw an extra jacket. I don't know if it was for me but I'd like to think so. He's so stubborn, but once you get past his scary face and sharp words he's so sweet. He's a joke. A dumbass. But....He's my favorite one. I could never tell him this. As much as I wan't too. I just can't. I found out today that I will inevitably die within the next four months, of course I can't tell him. 

\---

'Entry thirty-eight, 

I'm back here again, the white walls, the white sheets and the nauseating hospital smell. A thousand miles away from Kageyama. I'm such a mess. My blood is all over my clothes and tears are still pouring down my face, I'm just scattered pieces of myself. How could you ever love me now? I thought I could be fine..If I just try harder. But I've lost so much along the way to becoming the player you want me to be. Everything hurts, Kageyama. And I'm still here, alive, again. But I'm a thousand miles away, from you. 

\--- 

'Entry forty-three, 

It's cold here. Even after the blood and moving hospital to hospital. Drug to drug, I cannot forget- regret, you. I cleave the flesh of wanting you from the bone. I hope the sky is beautiful, wherever you are, Kageyama.' 

\---

'Entry forty-nine, 

Kageyama. This is what I leave for you. If I may die, I do not die in vein. If you had asked, I would have brought the stars down from their place in space and deliver them to do. I would do so no matter what. But, Kageyama. I die, in hopes that you will discover this notebook. I pray to anyone who is listening that you will read this one day. I have officially gone off my medication. I am sober and inevitably, I will die. 

Love, 

Hinata, Shouyou'

\---

That was the last entry in the journal. How could he be so blind to how he felt. How could he not see Hinata's tired face, how did he look past the bones that showed as Hinata got smaller and smaller. How did he miss it? 

XxX

The next morning, Kageyama awoke to a loud ringtone. His phone making its presence known from the floor, under some of Kageyama's clothes. In a hazy state from his tiredness he answered. 

"mmf" Kageyama groaned into the receiver. 

"Kageyama, its Suga." Kageyama heard a couple of voices in the background, and he assumed that the rest of the volleyball team was with him. 

"You don't have to talk to us, Kageyama. We only want you to listen." Kageyama sat up in his bed, murmuring and affirmative for Suga to keep talking. 

"We know you're hurting. And we understand the pain you're feeling is natural. Because of-" Suga cut off the sentence and after a small hesitation picked up his sentence, "Because of HIS death. But Kageyama, its been 3 weeks and we haven't heard from you. We haven't seen you at school or at practice. We are all grieving too, and we want you here. It may seem selfish to you Kageyama but the team really needs you right now. We're falling apart, and you are distancing yourself from us. Kageyama we still want you here. No one blames you for what happened. No one thinks that at all" A chorus of affirmative statements came after that. Kageyama took a deep breath. 

"I think", He started, " I need to quit. I need to quit volleyball. Whenever I see a volleyball, whenever I toss, receive or even spike I think of Hinata. I think of him and I just, I can-" 

"Kageyama, thinking of Hinata isn't a bad thing" Kageyama was cut off. He instantly recognized the voice, "Hinata isn't taboo, and by reminding yourself of him when you play keeps him here, With you and with all of us. We are all mourning and hell, I know numerous people on this team that blames themselves. As much as I hate to say it, we need you here, king. We all do." Tsukishima spat. 

Kageyama was pulled from his depression into his reality for a couple of minutes. He had a team, a team that needed him. 

"You remind us of him Kageyama" Asahi tenderly spoke, "We need to be reminded of him" 

"Kageyama, please" The captain of the team spoke. 

After a moment Kageyama spoke up. "I'll think....about coming back" And that's all the team needed to hear. That's all Kageyama had to say.


	6. Chapter 6

Suga hung up his phone and looked back towards his other teammates.

"That went well" Suga smiled his angel smile and looked directly at Tsukishima. "Tsukishima, that was....sudden"

"Yeah, well.." Tsukishima turned away and called out from over his shoulder, "Lets go we only have 20 minutes of practice left"

The rest of the team stood in a shocked silence as Yamaguchi trailed along behind him, as usual.

xXx

Kageyama fell back asleep. After talking to the team for the first time since the incident, he felt more than tired. Kageyama tossed and turned in his sleep, not being able to find a position comfortable enough for his mind to relax properly. A faint tap at his door sounded without his room as his mother came in to check on him. When she noticed that he was asleep she silently said something that sounded like a 'See you after work' and once again Kageyama was alone again.

\---

Hinata was on the court, looking back to Kageyama. A light shined all around Hinata as the court disappeared , leaving only Kageyama and Hinata standing in white.

"Kageyama" Hinata started, "toss to me!"

Voices started to ring around the white background,

"You're a failure"

"Its you're fault"

Phrases like these whispered into Kageyama's ears.

"Kageyama" Hinata stated more boldly as tears flowed freely down his cheeks, "Toss to me"

\---

Kageyama sat up, not as abruptly as the previous times his nightmares woke him in a startled haze of confusion. Slowly he ran his fingers through his hair and stared into the blank nothingness of his dimly lit room. 

He stared until the the dawn first touched the darkness of his room. Until the dark had been completely swallowed by the light, until his mother left for work and until he allowed himself to think again. Kageyama put off moving until he felt ready, its the only thing he could do in order to protect himself. As he moved his thoughts seemed to lock into place, like the wheels were finally moving again. Repeating the same thing over and over, 'You are strong enough.' 

And then it all happened, Kageyama had to let go and accept everything and it might not be overnight. But he finally felt strong enough. Finally he felt okay, ready to let go. 

xxx

'My candle will always burn the brightest with Hinata's smile,' Kageyama thinks, ' and I'll never know why, in this world, bad things happen. And maybe when I'm long gone there will be a time where bad things stop happening. All I know is that the living must continue to live and let go of the past and that the dead must continue to stay dead, no matter how many tears fall. Hinata will never come back for me or for volleyball or for the cherry blossoms in their brightest bloom. Even if I win every volleyball game I ever play and go down in history as the worlds greatest setter. I live in my own bliss, selfishly believing that he will be proud of me.' 

xxx

As the years passed since the tragic loss that the Karasuno volleyball club experienced, people came and went moving up grades and graduating...bringing their own talents to make the club a better place. Kageyama never stopped playing volleyball even though his tosses could never be used at his full potential again, or maybe they could be. If he ever found someone willing to try. Hinata stays on his mind sometimes but he's working through things with his psychiatrist, Dr Lexie. 

I"ts okay to feel what you are feeling", an old remnant of a conversation made its way to the front of Kageyama's brain. "Its okay because you will be okay, you will have to live with this for the rest of your life, its something that can't be helped. "

"I've come to terms with this", Kageyama vocalizes where Hinata had been buried, "and it pains me to know that you thought that I've never loved you, because I have and I still am but you know something Hinata, these volleyballs will never stop falling no matter how hard we try to keep them in the game..Just like the cherry blossoms. "

XXXXXX

The end.. I guess. Thanks to everyone who has supported me throughout all of this. I think the ending is bad but its the idea I had to end it and I'm sorry if you were disappointed with it. I hope it didn't get to pretentious at the end. 

Thanks again to all who took the time to read this story. 

<3 Until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this prologue, Chapter 1 will be up in a couple of days. Comment if you enjoyed it and you can follow me on my tumblr ((http://shingekinofailure.tumblr.com/)) if you have anything you'd like to share with me :)  
> <3 Winter Summers


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